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In Search of The Self, Who Are You?

If anybody asks me, “Whom do you think the most important person alive in your life so far?” Then my answer is that I am the most important person in my life. If we dispassionately look at the question devoid of prejudices and vested interests and with proper application of our mind, the answer can be only one. That is our own self. All others are secondary because if we are not there, then it does not matter who else is there. Why is it necessary to consider ourselves as the most important living persons? Because whatever that we say or do has a direct or indirect bearing to whomever we are connected with whether they are friends, relatives, office people, foes etc. But whatever that we say or do is not necessarily be consistent nor constant. Our behaviour is the result of our thinking of the moment in which we are present under the circumstance that we are in at that time. Our thought process is conditioned by the situation prevailing at that point of time.

That leads up to the question “Who are you?” Many people are not in a position to articulate who they are. They always talk in relation to something out side or some persons outside which means they express what they are related to and they are not absolute in themselves. This is the fundamental problem most people face leading to a crisis of identity. When people are faced with the crisis of identity, they tend to take recourse to dependency on someone else like a GURU, a Preacher, a God Man, an Astrologer, Psychiatrics, and Counselors etc. The lack of understanding about one self combined with helplessness, lack of clarity on how to cope up with life’s situations and disillusionment with the life itself may also lead to the dangerous indulgence in alcoholism and drug abuse or some other external stimuli which become habits. But, will it serve the purpose? Definitely Not. On the contrary it will worsen the situation leading to self abuse and exploitation by others terminating in isolation and self destruction.

It is generally advised that we should have a “ROLE MODEL” to emulate. But is it advisable? I don’t think so because the “MODEL” is nothing but a replica of the original and unless and until who and what that original “Role Model” is and known to us in all entirety, we can be misled by the “MODEL.” Every person is unique in his or her own way and that being so, why should we emulate a “MODEL”? But the inherent fears of failure, rejection, rebuff, denunciation etc lingering in our mind may force us to avoid facing the realities of life and we become a victim of our negative thought process. But as individuals we are more than what we know about ourselves. If we want to understand ourselves then we have to search within and not to search outside. Of course we can seek the help of someone who is competent to give suggestions or even advice. But ultimately we are to take decisions for ourselves and about ourselves because we are the only ones who know what we are and what we need and we should not assign our destiny being decided by an outsider who ever that may be.

We create our own fort or a barricade around us to make an exclusive space for ourselves where we do not want anyone else to occupy that space so that our vulnerabilities are not exposed to others. This space creates a vacuum by which communication is completely sapped and cutoff. But we cannot live in isolation and we have to continue our social and professional interaction. In the process we hide our real self and project a self which we think that others would like it and accept it. The same process happens from the other side also with the result the real us becomes anamorphic and different personalities are being projected and the communication becomes distorted and it leads to perceptional twist and personality aberrations culminating in discordant and slighting relationship.

If we want to establish a lasting relationship with others to develop a congenial environment, then true communication is the only way that creates an endearing and enduring affinity. Since the purpose of communication is to understand and be understood, a free and frank open communication devoid of any distortion and aberrations could break any barrier coming in the way of understanding among the communicators improving personal relationship. How happy we would become when we know that there is someone who can understand us as we are and not as someone who ought to be.

Power of credible communication is very important to be successful in whatever that we may say and do. It is communication that wins over people and creates an endearing and enduring interpersonal relationship in our personal, professional, and social lives. It is the base for a charismatic personality. Those who have mastered its effective use can change their own experience of the world and the world’s experience of them. We may have great ideas and unless it is communicated and put into effective action, it remains as a great idea only.

If we want to reap the richness of the true and effective communication, then we have to be good and sincere listeners also. Our understanding of others will be fruitful if only we are good listeners. God has created the human being with two ears and one mouth and that itself shows the importance of being a good listener. A loving communication, a sincere appreciation will lead to creating an understanding. Understanding pave the way for acceptance and acceptance will lead to adorable relationship and also solve our problems. All communication problems are due to the fact that we don’t listen to understand.

Internal communication which is talking to self is also as important as external communication with outsiders. When we ask questions about what bother us to ourselves and analyze the cause and probable solutions, it will lead to finding an answer because when we keep an open communication with our inner selves, we will find the wisdom to make the right choices. When we honestly and sincerely work hard to understand and act upon the impact of the changing situation and environment on our lives and the problems we face, we will be able to manage our lives successfully overcoming all impediments.

You shape your destiny the way you think because thinking leads to decisions to take actions which produces results. If you achieve your objectives, then it is hailed as success and if not, it is construed as failure. But if you objectively pursue, you will find that success and failure are only a perceptional difference. In this connection Thomas Edison’s famous approach to failures is very much relevant. When he was asked about his failures, “I have not failed 10,000 times,” he said, “I’ve successfully found 10,000 ways that will not work.” That makes the huge difference in the approach to life to make things happen to achieve the desired result.

We can understand that when faced with adverse circumstances, instead of sulking and feeling depressed we should cut off from the assumed apprehensions and negativity and through the power of positive thinking reorient our approach and attitude to what is happening to find solutions to our problems and predicaments. Always remember that hardships come to life to make it better and not bitter and that there is no problem that defies a solution. We forget the fact that, “Success or failure is caused more by mental attitudes than my mental capabilities.” And “No condition or set of circumstances is in itself a calamity to be feared. It is our reaction to it that makes it a ‘waterloo’ or a field of triumph.” God has given us a body that can stand almost anything. It’s our mind we have to convince. We have to come out of the impact of the mighty force of habit that we ourselves have created. We must be quick to break those habits that can break us—and hasten to adopt those practices that will become the habits that help us achieve the success we desire. That is what our search is for.

In the ultimate analysis, “People with high assurance in their capabilities approach difficult task as challenges to be mastered rather than as threats to be avoided.” Success can be achieved by taking the right initiatives to meet the challenges that come in the way in every walk of life. By understanding our inner power, we are capable of taking initiative to meet any challenge that may come in our way and achieve whatever that we want through the power of positive thinking by managing ourselves well. The ultimate endeavor of every one of us is to be a winner. Our search for our own identity of who we are is for being the winner always and the winner is:

“Winners are too busy to be sad,

Too positive to be doubtful,

Too optimistic to be fearful,

And too determined to be defeated.”

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